She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
kristin has been a bad kristin
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
