when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
