So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
