i would punch a child for taco bell
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
