come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
