How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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