He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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