tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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