Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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