You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
