It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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