So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
