Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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