Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
