His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
