i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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