"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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