Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize