I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
