I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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