I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
