what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Panties = found
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
