I like my sex mixed with concussions.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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