i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
