i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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