Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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