my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
