NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
