It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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