is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
