so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
