I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
