Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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