I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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