My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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