K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
