There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
