you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
