Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
