Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
