Dual....:-)
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
