i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize