OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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