At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize