WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this will be a night to untag.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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