Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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