Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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