just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
