we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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