Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
