Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
