I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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