I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
