yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
