OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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