This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
