where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
