Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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