dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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