I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
