well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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