he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
