I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
