I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
