i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
