That's intense
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
