I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
