Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
