OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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