Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
