Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize