toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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