i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize