Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
