my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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