On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
