He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize