I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
