Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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