My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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