I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
