i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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