just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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